Blunt and Obnoxious

I’ve found myself giving uninvited advice again. A freshman at Lipscomb was talking about what to do with her life. She doesn’t feel she fits in the college student mold, she has some ideas about what she might want to do at some point in the future, but for the most part, doesn’t have the financial capacity to do them now. She wants definitive direction and assurance. Cute, right?

I can remember being in the same place. I knew I didn’t “belong” in Athens half way through my freshman year. I was there for five more. I always knew I was capable of “more” than what I was doing in school. Now, I’m working for one of the top ad agencies in Nashville, on salary, full benefits, and a crazy fun atmosphere. I’m still not satisfied. I want to do more.

I think we place too much value on satisfaction. To be completely satisfied is to be complacent, eventually apathetic. We limit ourselves with this idea of a “calling” or with responsibility, believing we have to commit to stability to be happy. What if we re-focused our “calling” on a mindset or lifestyle rather than an occupation? Not too long ago I wrote that I need to do something that makes others happy and makes myself happy. I want to inspire people, to ignite them in helping them discover their passion and ability. What if that’s my vocation? My calling? What if I get to choose my job, my home, my life roles and in whatever I choose, I fulfill my calling in simply building into the people and situations around me in awesome ways?

Well shit. I’ve been wasting so much time! I’m always trying to be what I’m expected to be, but true greatness isn’t a label you can earn from the world, it’s a choice.

Each day at about 2 o’clock I make a list of the key things I want to accomplish in life. Each day at 2 o’clock, I choose to be great. Sometimes it’s a list of big things, set in the future. Other days, it’s a list of how to keep my mouth shut when everything within me is urging me to tell that coworker to grow a pair and confront the problem so we can move on. Items on the list may vary drastically, but they are all key elements of my deliberate choice to be great. Not in the future, but now, immediately and continuously. I will accomplish great things in the future, I will be great in the present.

So I proceeded to dump all of this revolutionary wisdom on this poor freshman who just wanted to know what to be when she grows up. She nodded her head and thanked me for the advice. I hope she didn’t understand me, not fully. I hope she understood just enough to take a risk, do something outside of the cycle she’s in. But, I hope that the risk she takes leads to greater risk and greater adventure. I hope that she experiences relationships and failures and successes that challenge her ideas and perspective.

I’m a blunt and often obnoxious person. But I believe in people. I want so much for them to believe in themselves, to discover the joy in knowing that they do in fact hold significance, to be free from fear’s limitations. I want them to choose to be great.

Roommates, Choices, and Craig Morgan

Well it’s official. I’m a post-college white kid. I’m living on beans and rice this week because I don’t get paid until Friday and I had to buy dog food. I got a letter from the hospital today saying that the insurance company denied my claim for my surgery in February. My car hesitates to turn over each morning and hasn’t been washed in months. My poor roommate hates my dog because he wakes her up at six every morning. I’m already finding reasons to complain about my job and I haven’t been on a single date since I moved to Nashville!

Uh, can you say spoiled little white girl much?

I don’t have money because I spend it on unnecessary things, mostly Mexican food and craft beer. I am currently covered under three different medical insurance plans, it’s just a matter of getting them the right info. I have a car that gets me from point A to point B and with decent gas mileage. Both of my roommates are awesome and put up with my bringing home a very large (very energetic) puppy. I have a salary position with full benefits and the dating thing, well we’ve been over that. Life is rough, am I right?

I think I’m actually frustrated with myself. I know that I can do better, that I can be better. I have so much potential and opportunity, if I would just get my shit together and focus, I could dominate everything. I don’t like that in order to put more time and effort into perfecting one thing, I have to sacrifice time and effort somewhere else. I can’t be great at everything and I can’t make everyone happy, and I don’t like it.

So, now what? How do I come to terms with my limitations? How do I decide what to pour my life into and what to let go of?

I don’t have an answer, but I do have a starting point. Or maybe it’s more of a self-check to revisit periodically. I think I should be doing things that 1) make other people happy and 2) make me happy. Doing only things that make others happy will inevitably suck me dry, leaving me bitter and lonely. Doing only things that make me happy will inevitably come at the expense of others, pissing them off, leaving me bitter and lonely. If I’m not making anyone happy, what in the world am I doing?

I have to find a way to accept that I can’t possibly be great at everything and that I can’t possibly make everyone happy in life. I need others and they need me, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I sat on this overnight and waited to post, and I’m so glad I did. On my way to my morning coffee spot, I heard a story on the radio about a comment Craig Morgan wrote on his Facebook page in rebuttal to a snide tweet by one of his fans. You should read it:

“Not being as good at one thing is the price we sometimes pay for attempting to be great at others.”

We grab at all these different things in and throughout life, fumbling to hold onto it all. Eventually, our hands are full and we have to decide what to hold onto and what to live without. Sometimes the choice is obvious, but more often, it’s incredibly difficult to discern. Our generation is so burdened with responsibility; student loans, preparing to support a family, making decisions that will provide you with stability. There is little room left for dreams and adventure.

I have every opportunity in the world and am incredibly blessed. I have several things that I enjoy doing, opportunities to establish security, purposes and movements I enjoy supporting. I have the means to create stability, truths I enjoy discovering, dreams I enjoy chasing. But I just can’t have it all. I have to stop wasting my time in mediocre limbo. I’m at a turning point and desperately need to make a decision. I have to let go of some of these things. I have to make a choice. It blows.